Letter to Harvard

I’ve travelled around the world in a straight line, with only a rope, and a blow up doll.  I’ve won a fight against Bruce Lee. I’ve lived with the dinosaurs, and died with the dinosaurs.  I’ve won a gold medal in the Olympics, twice.  I’ve smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.  I am the most characterized person in the world.

Kids love me.  Parents love me.  Even Hitler loved me.  Cats love me.  Dogs love me.  If you search for the definition of the word love in a dictionary, a picture of my face will appear.  The elderly love me.  Teachers love me.  When people see me, they cry of happiness.  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad loves me.  I am the most lovable person in the world.

I discovered the Tan Law for Mathematics.  Albert Einstein is my father.  I make him look like a joke.  I work at a college as a janitor.  I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard, I just figure it out.  I have graduated from high school, three times, before the age of seven.  I am the smartest person in the world.

I've painted the Mona Lisa with my eyes closed, and only a crayon.  I’ve been told by Bob Dylan that I am inspiring.  I created The Beatles.  I came up with the lyrics for “Stairway to Heaven.”   I am the most creative person in the world.

I am the absolute greatest person in the world.

            I have done everything there is to do on this earth, except attend University.